Arguments

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign. [00:00:08] Speaker B: Pastor Chuck Allen here with another weekday podcast. Thanks so much for joining me today. Yesterday we were talking about tense conversations. [00:00:16] Speaker A: Today, let's talk about arguing and why arguing pushes people away. It never really solves problem. Let's be honest for just a minute. [00:00:29] Speaker B: Have you ever walked away from an argument thinking, well, that brought people closer to Jesus, including myself? Probably not. More often the opposite happens. We leave frustrated or defensive, and the gap between us and whoever typically gets wider, not closer. So why do we keep doing it? And that's because, frankly, we deep down, we think truth needs to be defended loudly to be effective. [00:01:01] Speaker A: And by the way, we're absolutely certain we're right. And it's possible we are. The Scripture paints a different picture. Second Timothy 2, beginning of verse 23 says it this way. [00:01:14] Speaker B: Again, I say, don't get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. A servant of the Lord must not quarrel, but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach and be patient with difficult people. Catch that. Must not quarrel. That's not a suggestion, it's a calling. Because arguments tend to harden hearts, not heal them. When someone feels attacked, I have. You have. We all have. [00:01:46] Speaker A: When we feel attacked, we don't lean in, we shut down. And once walls get built, you shut down, then you build walls. It doesn't matter how right you are, you're no longer being heard. [00:02:01] Speaker B: Jesus got this. I mean, he didn't chase people with debates. He drew them with compassion. Even when he spoke hard truth, it was wrapped in invitation. The motivation was, I am inviting you, not condemnation. Think about Zacchaeus. Jesus didn't stand under the tree and call out his corruption. He looked up and what he said, hey, let's go to your house. Relationship came before correction. [00:02:29] Speaker A: And that's where I miss it. And you miss it. We try to correct without connect. When we correct without connecting, we argue before we understand. [00:02:42] Speaker B: In James 1:9:2 gives us a better way. He says, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry, quick to listen. That alone could transform the vast majority of our conversations. I don't know how many times I would say it's the vast majority. I am listening, but I'm listening with the intent to decide what I'm going to say. Listening, though truly listening, present listening, being [00:03:13] Speaker A: very engaged in listening, says with an unqualified, wild flatterization that says, you matter. So I'm listening. And when people feel that, they become [00:03:28] Speaker B: far more open to hearing what matters to you. So the next time a difficult topic comes up, resist the urge to jump in and prove your point. Instead, lean in. Ask. Help me understand how you see this. You might not agree, but you will build a bridge. And bridges carry the weight of truth far better than walls. Because in the end, our mission isn't to win debates. It's to lead people closer to Jesus. [00:03:59] Speaker A: And people don't follow somebody who argues all the time. They follow someone who loves them. I have this relationship where it feels like it's a constant. I need to tell you what's wrong with you. [00:04:14] Speaker B: And it hit me a few weeks ago. I needed to build some boundaries. I needed the opportunity, rather than trying to point out how I feel like they're wrong, to simply build some boundaries and guard myself. Didn't mean that I love them less, didn't mean that I just don't like them. It just means I needed to build boundaries. Maybe today this is a reminder. We all need boundaries, and it might be a good time to think, how [00:04:42] Speaker A: do I build them that work for me and for others? Because, let's face it, the goal isn't to argue and the goal isn't to win. The goal is to lead them closer to Jesus. God bless you, friend. Thanks for joining me on today's weekday podcast. Sam.