Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Hi, everyone. This is Chuck Allen, and you're listening to the Weekday Podcast. Thanks for joining me. You know, when we talk about forgiveness, and we've been doing a lot of that lately, there's this one relationship that's often the hardest to navigate. It's the one with our parents. Maybe you had amazing parents who loved you well, but still made mistakes. Or maybe your story includes significant pain, absence, or harm. Wherever you fall on that spectrum, here's what I know. We all carry something from our upbringing that needs healing. Today. Let's talk about forgiveness and our parents on the Weekday Podcast. Thanks for joining me.
[00:00:45] Okay, where was I? Yeah, we're talking about parents and forgiveness. Think about that. Our parents, they were just people, humans trying to figure out life while simultaneously being responsible for other humans. What a massive assignment. We did not come with any type of manual. In Psalm 103, there's this beautiful verse that says, God knows what we're made of, remembers that we're dust. That's from the message translation, and I love how raw it is. We're dust, fragile. We're limited, and so were our parents. I think about how Jesus taught us to pray. Forgive us our debts as we also forgive our debtors. There's this connection between receiving forgiveness and giving it away. The flow works both directions. Or it is supposed to. Let me ask you something. What if the forgiveness you're withholding from your parents is actually blocking something in your own life? Now, I'm not talking about minimizing real harm, or I'm not talking about pretending everything was just fine when it wasn't. I'm talking about releasing the grip that resentment has on your future. Paul writes in the book of Ephesians. He says, watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift. Don't grieve God. Don't break his heart. His Holy Spirit moving and breathing in you is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don't take such a gift for granted. Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting. Profound talk. Think about that. I want to read that again. Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting and profane talk. Be gentle with one another. Sensitive. Forgiving one another as quickly and thoroughly as God gave you forgiveness. That last line hits me hard. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you. Come on.
[00:02:44] Forgive as thoroughly as God forgave you. Here's the reality, though. Our parents got some things wrong. Maybe a lot of things wrong. They made choices based on their own limitations, just like ours. They made choices based on their wounds and the tools they had available. Some of us, those choices hurt us. And that's real. I want to acknowledge that. But here's also what's real. You have a choice about what you carry forward. In the book of Isaiah, God says something remarkable. He says, don't remember the prior things. Don't ponder ancient history. Look, I'm doing a new thing now. It sprouts up. Don't you recognize it? A new thing not bound by the old patterns. I love that. A new thing means it's not restricted by our old things, not defined. But what went before now. Maybe you're thinking, chuck, dude, you don't understand what they did. And you're right, I don't. But I do know this. Holding on to those wounds isn't punishing them. It's punishing you and possibly your future, your children, and your family. When we refuse to forgive our parents, we often end up living reactive lives, either trying desperately not to be like them or unconsciously repeating their exact patterns. Neither one is freedom. Real freedom comes when we can look at our parents with clear eyes, seeing both their failures and their humanity.
[00:04:16] When we can say this hurt me and I release you from that debt. Now, now, that's powerful. If you had great parents who loved you well but still made mistakes, forgiveness allows you to honor their good intentions while acknowledging their humanity. If your parents story includes significant pain, forgiveness isn't about excusing what happened. It's about refusing to let those wounds determine your future. In Matthew, Jesus says, if you refuse to forgive others, your father will not forgive your sins. That's not God being petty. It's a description of how forgiveness works. It's a conduit that flows both ways.
[00:04:57] Here's three practical steps for how we might be able to move forward forgiving our parents. First, name the specific hurts. Not in a general my parents mess me up way, but I mean, like when this happened. Name it. It made me feel this way. Name it. Secondly, recognize their humanity.
[00:05:18] Your parents have their own stories, their own wounds, their own limitations. Understanding doesn't mean excusing, but it helps release the grip of resentment. Third, release the expectation that they will ever fully understand how they hurt you or give you the apology that you think you deserve, or that you actually deserve. That expectation is a chain that keeps you bound to the past. My friend. Jesus tells a story about a servant who's forgiven an enormous debt, then refuses to forgive someone who owes him much less. The point isn't that some debts aren't real. The point is that clinging to those debts after we've been forgiven ourselves misses the whole point of grace. Whatever your parent story is, whether it's mostly beautiful with some difficult chapters, or whether it's a narrative of surv rival against tremendous odds, forgiveness is not about them. It's about you. It's about what kind of story you want to write going forward. Friends, this is Chuck Allen, and I'm so glad you joined me today. Until next week, remember, you can honor the truth of your past while refusing to let it define your future. God bless you. Have a great weekend.
