Episode Transcript
[00:00:09] Well, hey, friends, welcome back to the weekday podcast. It's been a great week to be with you. All of these episodes this week fit together. This is something we've been beta testing this year to try to lump themes together. One week Pastor Chuck takes a theme. The next week, I take another one. Our hope is that every single day they would build on each other. And even if you miss a day, we feel like the content still stands on its own. And so today, I want to talk about this idea of asking before you accuse. Asking before you accuse. In John 21, verse 16, Jesus asked Peter a question. He says, simon Peter, son of John, do you love me? Now, the reason why this is interesting is you know this. Jesus already knew the answer. He knew Peter had denied him three times. He knew every detail of what had happened around that courtyard fire. He knew Peter's heart better than Peter knew his own heart. And yet, when the moment of restoration finally comes, when Jesus has Peter alone on the beach, he doesn't lecture him. He doesn't replay the courtyard scene. He doesn't weaponize the failure. He instead asks a question. Simon. Which is Peter's other name. Simon Peter, do you love me? He asks it three times, once for every denial. And each time Peter answers, something shifts. Not just between Peter and Jesus, but I think, even inside Peter himself.
[00:01:24] Three opportunities to say out loud what his heart already knows, but his shame won't let him fully believe. Jesus is not interrogating Peter. He's restoring him. And he does it with questions, not accusations. And here's why that matters for you and for me. When someone hurts us, our instinct is to make statements. You always do this. You never listen. Here's what you did wrong. We come in ready to be heard, ready to be make our case. And sometimes that's necessary. But here's the problem. When you lead with statements, people defend, they explain, they justify, they shut down. The walls go up, and you end up further apart than when you started. But a question, like a genuine, curious question, it creates space. It lowers the guard. It invites honesty. Instead of demanding it. Curiosity creates space where condemnation would shut the door. And there's a big difference between you really hurt me when you did that and help me understand what was going on with you. Like, those are two different things, two different postures. You hurt me when you did that versus help me understand what was going on for you. Both can be true. Both can be necessary. But one opens the door, and the other one, it actually closes it. Now, I'm not talking about loaded questions. Not a trap disguised as curiosity. When I talk about a question, a real question, an honest one, the kind that says I want to understand, not just to win.
[00:02:45] Because here's what you might discover. What felt like an attack might have been desperation. What felt like betrayal might have been fear. Most hurt happens in context, in questions. It gives you information that statements never will. So when you think about your next step, think about the person or think about the situation you've been carrying. Instead of rehearsing what you're going to say, practice asking one question like help me understand what's going on for you. You can still name what was wrong. You can still set limits. But leading with curiosity gives the relationship a fighting chance. Jesus asks questions and he asks you questions too. So don't come in with a verdict, come in with a question. And that's what grace sounds like. Give that a try today. Let me know how it goes.
